Recap: Our hero is chasing The Yellow Fingernail; who has stolen his villages' fete stalls. Having been attacked by a farmer and a chip shop owner, John has been asked to go to the woods. This coming from a letter that was dropped at his feet by a stranger with a false beard, limp and wearing slippers! We join him as he searches for the wood.
Woods? I could see no woods. I'd been walking for the past hour without any joy. Fields with cows, yes. Woods no. I was about to give in, admit defeat, when I saw a pub in the distance. Perhaps someone in there would have an idea where the nearest wood was.
It was a quaint looking pub, all hanging baskets and white painted walls. The Prig and Whistle was its name, and upon closer inspection its quaint exterior, gave way to a haunting interior. The lights were dim and it sounded like there was a arguement going on. I hesitated for a moment but needed information so opened the door and entered. The arguement stopped and two women, who had clearly been bickering put their dominoes down. I nodded a greeting and got two fingers back! Charming I thought and walked up to the bar.
"Excuse me, do you know where the woods are?"
"Blimey, and there was me thinking you were going to order a drink! Up that way". The barman pointed to his left. I said my thank yous' and was about to walk out. "Don't you want a drink?"
"I don't have any money".
"Suit yourself" he replied and went back to whatever he was doing before I entered.
Suddenly one of the old ladies piped up.
"Look you can have as much beer as you like if you help me beat this swine at this stupid game."
"Well , I..."
"Free beer" she stated.
"Well I was school champion in year 4, so I am rather good at this game." came my rather confident reply. That confidence was severely tested as I sat down to play with them.
And so the next four hours was spent drinking beer and trying to beat the old ladies at dominoes. I didn't. I fact I lost every game, but got lots of free beer. Much to the annoyance of the barman. I felt utterly defeated having not won a single game by the end of the evening and made my excuses to leave. I walked, well stumbled out leaving the two old ladies arguing about why the hell they had invited a twerp to play their game for free beer. I wasn't complaining however about the free beer. I was now in a rather pleasant mood as I left the pub.
Infact I was so happy I had no idea which way I was going and ended up chatting to a herd of cows for an hour. I had no idea why and it wasn't long after that that I collapsed in a heap and fell into a deep sleep. I awoke the next morning covered in cow dung and feeling....well I think you know how I felt!? I was getting nowhere. In fact I was utterly lost. All I had to show was a very poorly head and a set of clothes that stank like cows! Perhaps the little cottage at the edge of the field would be my sanctuary? On the other hand perhaps not!
Coming soon: Part 7